Wednesday, 28 August 2013
HOW TO MAKE YOUR DAUGHTER A GREAT WOMAN AND A PERFECT MOTHER.........Part 1
“Please know that I am quite aware of the hazards…. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others’’….. Amelia Earhart.
Our world is filled with women, but lack women of virtuous and vestal modesty. Giving birth to beautiful daughters, seeing them grow up as little girls in the family, grow to become young beautiful ladies admired by many and giving them out for marriage is common in our world today, yet another common phenomenon is our daughters growing up to become women and mothers without a spark, women who settle with or subscribe to the ideology of inequality and misogynism from the male counterparts, house wives with little waif at home, working class women who cannot manage the pressure from home and their workplace, low income earners, nagging wives, divorced women, single mothers, etc. But the uncommon aspect of womanhood harnessed by few women is a woman with potential. A perfect wife who looks like Aisawarya Rai, a woman like Mother Theresa, willing to be submissive like Sita, who can do the impossible like Kartherine Kurmer, has ability in disability like Helen Keller, the courage of Amelia Earhart. She is ambitious, assertive, virtuous and not demanding for her own rights, and has been blessed with extra invisible hands to successfully manage all family responsibilities and also any job without the slightest complaints.
Girls are taught from a young age to value their looks more than their talents and skills, to place their career aspirations or financial independence secondary to the need for being married at the ‘right’ time and having kids, and to perpetuate this vicious cycle through their own daughters, thereby creating a society of enslaved women, limited only to the circus of their homes, promoting gender inequality and a patriarchal culture.
Imposing one’s dreams on another human being and wanting them to strictly fulfill them for you is a pretty selfish expectation and even a messed up form of ‘love’. This stems from the perception that holds children as properties of parents and in particular, a woman’s identity only as a property in relation to a man in most society. Children has the freedom to decide whether they want to give their parents that privilege and it’s a right no one should deny them, because the decisions involved would first and foremost affect them, but parents are always in the winning side since the innocent fellows are ignorant of this and the society generally expects parents to guide their children (the female child) to be of uttermost use maybe not to the society in most cultures, but to their husbands.
I write this from the point of view of enlightening all parents, mothers, daughters and women on the how of breaking their daughters and selves off from the limitations of the girl child and ways little girls and women see themselves in the society. Let’s ride together.
START IMMEDIATELY AFTER THEIR CONCEPTION
Towards the end of the second trimester, your baby starts to hear. She can also hear muffled noises from outside your body. Experts say that your baby receives a certain amount of sensory information in the uterus to which she’ll respond, and can memorize, to a degree. Your baby is as much a member of your family at one week old in the womb as she is at one week old following birth. Unborn babies have emotional needs. They need to be loved and nurtured, acknowledged and accepted. This is where prenatal bonding comes in.
Pregnant women are expected to restrict their behavior, thoughts and actions to create the best environment for their babies. This includes maintaining a peaceful and joyful mind. The natural stimulation your baby receives from everyday conversations, and activities, is more than enough to prepare him/her for the outside world. By communicating through words, touch and feeling, it is believed that you can let your baby know that she is important, loved and part of the family. I hear some pregnant women say words like ‘’ you stubborn child, will you just stop kicking for once and let me rest’”, ‘’ Am passing through all this because of you’’, ‘’ who knows WHAT you are going to look like or become after you are born’’.
Be careful how you use words during pregnancy, even if the pregnancy was not planned for, focus your thoughts on what you want your girl child to become, say words life, ‘’ You are the best thing that ever happened to our family’’, ‘’ You will grow to become a strong and mighty woman’’, ‘’ the world will celebrate you’’, ‘’ Your father and I love you so dearly and we can’t wait to behold you in our arms’’, You’re the mother of nations’….. They hear you!!! and whatever you say they will come into these world to become, because at that moment, they’re living through you.
HOW DOES BABIES LEARN IN THE UTERUS?
By reading stories, playing music, or even just talking to your baby, she can experience a simple form of learning in the uterus, according to a number of studies. As you go from one activity in your day to another, talk to your baby as though she were right there in front of you, tagging along in your arms. (In reality, she is right there with you!
Announce what you are doing as you go through your day. (Example: “Okay, let’s see what we’re making for lunch today. What would you like to eat? What are you in the mood for?”) Such a simple thing, and yet the feelings of fun and partnership that it creates provide a huge value for your baby!
When you feel a kick (perhaps in response to some of your communication above), touch your tummy and say “Oh, you like that, huh?” -or- “I’m right here, sweetie. Yes, mama’s here.” It’s all about communication and acknowledgement. Touch your belly and talk to your baby. Let her know you felt it, and that you acknowledge her presence.
Play gentle, soothing music while you are going to sleep. If you play a special soft, relaxing music while you lay down to sleep every night with your baby, she will remember the music. It may not be a conscious memory where she can tell you why that music feels good to her (i.e. she “remembers” it in the womb).
Dads can talk to their baby at night when it’s time to rest. The sound of dad’s voice, the warmth between mom and dad, the music, it all creates a wonderful feeling for your baby, and one your baby will remember in her cells and body for her entire life.
Newborns are probably highly motivated to imitate their mother's behavior in order to attract her and hence to foster bonding. Breast feed her for at least 6 months to build a healthy woman.
During her early childhood and as she grows, the following are things parents must teach their girl Child; to know,
A husband opening the car door for his wife is not because she is incapable of doing so, but because he is symbolically placing his masculine strengths at her service as a reminder of their marriage vows. But respect isn't one sided, and women need to be able to show respect as well, particularly with each other, and across generations.
Fathers/sons, Mothers/sons and Fathers/daughters don't seem to have the same problem, or at least, not to the same extent of disrespect compared to Mothers and daughters. Teach your daughter’s the value of respect, teach them to respect their mother, pretty much no matter what, teach them to value and respect their friends, and teach her that she can demand and expect the same thing from others. When she’s age enough, let her know that a boy should respect her before he is given the chance to love her and that girls who don’t respect her, don’t deserve her friendship. She also needs to know that if she doesn’t respect, people won’t respect her.
Peer pressure is all about insecurity. Teach her to be confident of herself and friends will come to her. Tell her that she was flawless the day she was born, and must remain flawless no matter the ideas of others or what her peers thinks or says.
DEVELOP HER PHYSICAL FEARLESSNESS;
Her physical fearlessness is strength. “Girls who avoid risks have poorer self-esteem than girls who face challenges’’, says author JoAnn Deak, Ph.D., Encourage and urge her to go beyond her comfort zone. In her tender age, tell her to continue using her strength in the world: run, jump, climb, and throw. Say words like ‘’I love watching you streaking down the field, or swinging proudly along a row of bars, or climbing into the high branches of trees. There is both health and a sense of mastery in physical activity and challenges.
BREAK HER CONSCIOUSNESS OF INEQUALITY;
At an early age, inform the girl child that she can do anything a man can do, she should get comfortable with power tools, as this will help them compete favorable with the male counterparts in future. The parents, especially the fathers should teach their female child how the males think and act, not exactly to act like the males, but to think like the males. This will help her when she is of age to go into a relationship, it will also help build a woman that can compete well and favorable with the males in any field of life.
Whether it is our culture or our DNA, women tend to naturally fall into a secondary role. No matter what the cause, this is something that parents must teach their daughters to avoid. But at the same time, we must make sure that they are not mistaking aggression for assertion.
ENCOURAGE HER TO LOVE HER PASSION
She should never be afraid of sharing her passions. Sometimes, she may be embarrassed when friends make fun of her, maybe because she still plays with dolls. Let her know that anyone who teases her for what she loves to do is not a true friend. This is hard to realize, but essential.
ALLOW HER TO DISAGREE WITH YOU
“Raising a powerful girl means living with one. She must be able to stand up to you and be heard, so that she can learn to do the same with friends, the outside world and future employers”, says White. It is okay for her to disagree with you, and others. They are old enough to have a point of view and express their feelings and you should hear them out, so do those who love them.
But help them develop these skill in a way that they will never pick fights for the sake of it, of course, tell them ”when you really feel I'm wrong, please say so. You have heard me say that you are right, and you've heard me apologize for my behavior or point of view when I realize they were wrong’’. Your perspective is both valid and valuable. Don’t shy away from expressing it.
TELL HER THAT SHE IS BEAUTIFUL;
Tell her that she’s beautiful – every day .When she’s wearing her fanciest dress and her dirtiest jeans and shoes. Tell her she’s beautiful, but then make her understand that she is so much more than that. That her beauty is only evident on the outside because of who she is on the inside. This will help to build a strong woman who can never be intimidated or worried about the opinions of others when it comes to her personality.
LET HER KNOW HER SELF-WORTH –
Show her that her worth is not in her body or beauty. Show her that she is so much more than what people see at first glance. Teach her that she should be smart, kind, and someone worth knowing. Teach her to dig deep to find out who she is and who she wants to be.
MAKE HER BELIEVE IN HERSELF AND BE HERSELF–
The world is a scary place, full of uncertainty and pain. Make her believe that she can overcome anything, that she can accomplish anything, and that she can’t be stopped. If she believes that is true, it will be. Let her be quiet and shy, or loud and outgoing. Let her wear clothes you don’t understand and listen to music you can’t connect with. Let her experiment with nail polish colors and hair styles, but not with drugs, bad companies or boys. Let her be herself and know what she can really do.
TELL HER ABOUT SEX –
I struggled to add this. In some families and societies, talking about sex with our teenage children is obscure and sometimes a taboo. She needs to understand the passion and heart that goes into it. She needs to understand what she is actually giving when she gives her body. She needs to understand that it is more than ok to say, “No” when sex is demanded premaritally from the opposite sex. She needs to know that she can talk to you and ask you questions about sex.
She also needs to know that she should be careful when it comes to issues of all kinds that deals with her sexuality and should uphold her virginity until she’s married.
Go ahead, pass it on – encourage another mom, sister, daughter and fathers…, just share a few bullets and then link back over here. Thank you. Brave, wonderful, love you………. Eze Victor Obinna.